Fever Food & Etiquette
(An excerpt from a food article I wrote for The Weekend Chef.)
• Do experiment with new dishes, but don’t expect any feedback. This is an opportunity to get creative without criticism.
• Do not cook anything that requires more than one cutlery to eat. In other words, don’t serve leceh food.
• Do not go out of your way to cook anything special. The Fan won’t notice.
• Do not cook anything that gets soggy or dry after 15 minutes. The Fan will only take a bite every 15 minutes.
• Do not ask if The Fan needs a refill. Just refill. And always do it from the side or back or during half-time.
• Do ensure the fridge is stocked with Coke, beer and The Fan’s favourite mixer.
• Do stock sausages, nuggets or anything The Fan can fry in a jiffy. Just in case s/he decides to watch a replay in his/her mind.
• If you decide to watch the match, don’t even think of starting a conversation over Buffalo wings.
• Anything that can be eaten with bread or dunked into chilli sauce is always a winner.
• Do not serve anything that will permanently stain the sofa or carpet when The Fan leaps up to shout in triumph or defeat.
• If The Fan’s team is playing, do make an effort to include the team colours in the meal.
• Do serve the food in plastic or paper plates or even Tupperware. This way if The Fan’s team misses a goal or loses the match, you won’t have to spend the rest of the night picking up tiny shattered ceramic pieces.
• Do invest in a large ice bucket because if The Fan misses a crucial moment while getting another beer, it will be your fault.
• Do experiment with new dishes, but don’t expect any feedback. This is an opportunity to get creative without criticism.
• Do not cook anything that requires more than one cutlery to eat. In other words, don’t serve leceh food.
• Do not go out of your way to cook anything special. The Fan won’t notice.
• Do not cook anything that gets soggy or dry after 15 minutes. The Fan will only take a bite every 15 minutes.
• Do not ask if The Fan needs a refill. Just refill. And always do it from the side or back or during half-time.
• Do ensure the fridge is stocked with Coke, beer and The Fan’s favourite mixer.
• Do stock sausages, nuggets or anything The Fan can fry in a jiffy. Just in case s/he decides to watch a replay in his/her mind.
• If you decide to watch the match, don’t even think of starting a conversation over Buffalo wings.
• Anything that can be eaten with bread or dunked into chilli sauce is always a winner.
• Do not serve anything that will permanently stain the sofa or carpet when The Fan leaps up to shout in triumph or defeat.
• If The Fan’s team is playing, do make an effort to include the team colours in the meal.
• Do serve the food in plastic or paper plates or even Tupperware. This way if The Fan’s team misses a goal or loses the match, you won’t have to spend the rest of the night picking up tiny shattered ceramic pieces.
• Do invest in a large ice bucket because if The Fan misses a crucial moment while getting another beer, it will be your fault.
posted by starlight at 7:25 PM
5 Comments:
Wow! It sounds as though you've been married for a long time.
Can't wait for the book to come out. Sounds like a great idea.
Peace out,
No, not married. Just had to sit through too many football matches!
you're so nice. MY rules would have been 'prepare a lovely meal, set it nicely in dining room, with candles and mood music to match. eat at regular time, the fan can join or starve as s/he wishes.'
if I are not going to be getting any attention for a month, i don't see why S/HE should be getting EXTRA!
but that's just me *mean grin*
p/s: first comment, by the way. love your writing, and your ashram experience in india sounds amazing! all the best with the yoga classes!
hi snowdrop. thanks for dropping by and leaving such a lovely comment. i love spot's writing too! especially the recent one about his aunt. when are you starting your blog?
well, since The Fan gets the dinner going most nights, i suppose this is the least i could do! but i'll probably be using your modus operandi by the time the semis roll in. :)
this is great, starlight! very good advice
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