Tuesday, March 28, 2006

How Could I Forget?


It seems like a century has slipped past since I last looked at this blog! So much has happened in the past few days - my first poetry reading and wine dinner, countless business meetings, making new friends, Silverfish's looming short story deadline, yoga philosophy classes. It's been a rollercoaster of fun, frenzy and fatigue. But until two days ago, only one item on my to-do list was brandishing the Worry-Incessantly-About-Me-Now placard. My impending yoga trip to India.

How could October 2005 be six months ago? It feels like the ink hasn't even dried on my application form and I'm already dusting off my backpack. I leave in exactly 2 weeks. The very thought makes me freeze momentarily.

I've practiced yoga for over two years, I have a daily one-hour home practice, I've read countless books, my teacher has been generously 'tutoring' me in yoga philosphy for the past few weeks, I can chant the entire 24 lines of the opening prayer in Sanskrit by heart...and I'm not ready for this trip at all. Each time I have a bad practice, I ask myself what made me think I could be a teacher. When I have a good practice, I ask myself if it will be good enough for THEM. I wonder if I would be the only one there who can't nestle my head in my feet in a backbend, stand motionless on my head or stay awake during meditation. Each time these thoughts race through my mind, I feel my excitement draining faster than KL's irrigation system. It came to the point where I almost regretted enrolling.

Then, two days ago, I was given the priviledge of reading a new friend's book manuscript. The author is an Ashtanga practitioner and the book, It's A Long Way To The Floor, details his yogic journey. I read the book in record time, partly because the writing flowed so well and mostly because it summoned every one of my insecurities to the surface. The author had battled with the same issues I did when I first started - competitiveness, pride, frustration and disappointment. Over time, these negative emotions were replaced by the same emotions that spurred me to walk this spiritual path - patience, acceptance, humility, surrender, peace and pure happiness. By the time I reached the tenth chapter, I remembered why I fell in love with yoga in the first place. Because of how it made me feel, not because of what it made me do. I realise that I will never be completely ready for this experience and perhaps I'm not supposed to be. After all, I'm going there to learn and if I think I already know everything, then I will miss out on everything.

My excitement has begun slowly creeping back and now, I can't wait to get on that plane. I am ready now. So thank you David Byck for reminding me of everything I briefly forgot.

6 Comments:

Blogger Rafleesia said...

Is this David Byck of KL? If it is, he used to teach me with his his wife Alina at their yoga studio, Tapas. They are an amazing pair and to this day, when I have no choice but to attend classes taught by crappy Yogazone teachers, I fade their voices out and listen to David's voice in my head. He told us that when he first started yoga, he was so stiff he could barely touch his knees without bending. Look at him now and look at YOU now! I have no doubt that India will be an amazing experience for you and I suspect you will find some answers there.

PS. Where can I find his book?

6:39 PM  
Blogger starlight said...

yes, it is! i never knew he owned tapas until he mentioned it the other day. i've heard lots of complaints about teachers in yogazone. if you're thinking of switching, perhaps you wanna try my teacher in Yoga2Health, Telawi 3. he studied at the same school i'm attending. but it's hatha yoga though, no ashtanga. the book isn't published yet but i'll let you know when it's out.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Sesat said...

Hiya, David will be thrilled to read this. He says, "I never have anything nice to say." about his writing.... hahaha... must tell david...

12:30 AM  
Blogger bibliobibuli said...

david asked me yesterday how come everyone in kl seemed to know about his book but was grateful for the buzz it was creating ... i've got to get his manuscript back to him this week, but i thought it really great too ... just right for lazy inflexible folks like me ...

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah...tell me about it...Tj was my instructor while Tapas started in bangsar, he's currently the CEO of Yogazone, he was such a great teacher and David screwed up because he didn't want to pay TJ the salary he owed, which, if i'm not mistaken, it's about RM 4k. I saw David since day 1 they started to advertise in newspaper, David, Alina and their assistant only know how to persuade me to buy packages without providing any services, such a hypocrite after i read his book, ( of course, i didn't buy the book, just borrowed from my friend ), sick of people who're fake in front of the public, whatever he wrote in the book, i can guarantee you, more than half is fake info, he doesn't even understand the ashtanga teaching! well, study "light on yoga" if you're truly serious about yoga, buddies!

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah yeah..... if you think YZ teachers are craps, have you join Mauricio ( teacher from Mexico ), Gil ( the chief trainer ) as well as Ken ( the iron man )'s class????

if you can stand still and walk out from the class, i'll buy you a dinner at La Bodega!

9:35 AM  

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