The Waiting Game
I had arrived at church a few minutes earlier yesterday. Heading to the newsstand, I hoped the latest issue of Catholic Digest had arrived so I could kill the extra minutes with some light reading. As I settled into my seat and opened the small magazine, it suddenly occurred me that I was using literature to distract my mind. The way a parent would use a toy to distract a child. The notion was so disquieting that I put the magazine down and tried to recall the reasons behind all my recent impulsive purchases.
National Geographic – while waiting for my nasi goreng daging bungkus
Newsweek – while waiting for a friend to arrive
Glamour – while waiting for a movie to start
Female – while waiting for a friend to pick me up outside a shopping centre
3 Catholic Digest – while waiting for Mass to begin
The dailies – while waiting to get my driving license, for yoga class to start, for a meeting to begin, etc
It was official. My book dependency had spun out of control.
As a result, only the first three pages of those magazines have my DNA on them and are now perching atop my groaning coffee table in a neat pile. Then there are the many books I erratically dip into while waiting for someone or something somewhere. This is why I find myself reading up to five different books at one time and getting all the plots confused.
But what's more alarming is my reliance on books to occupy the slightest hint of solitude. I’ve tried to figure out why I do that. Is it because I’m reluctant to be alone with my thoughts? Is it because I’m so busy I have to snatch whatever reading time I have (the fact that I’m writing this entry puts this theory to rest!)? Or is it because I don’t appreciate my own company?
Whatever it is, I have to gradually wean myself off this unsavoury habit. Not only does it indicate my discomfort with aloneness, but it also prevents me from properly relishing the written word.
National Geographic – while waiting for my nasi goreng daging bungkus
Newsweek – while waiting for a friend to arrive
Glamour – while waiting for a movie to start
Female – while waiting for a friend to pick me up outside a shopping centre
3 Catholic Digest – while waiting for Mass to begin
The dailies – while waiting to get my driving license, for yoga class to start, for a meeting to begin, etc
It was official. My book dependency had spun out of control.
As a result, only the first three pages of those magazines have my DNA on them and are now perching atop my groaning coffee table in a neat pile. Then there are the many books I erratically dip into while waiting for someone or something somewhere. This is why I find myself reading up to five different books at one time and getting all the plots confused.
But what's more alarming is my reliance on books to occupy the slightest hint of solitude. I’ve tried to figure out why I do that. Is it because I’m reluctant to be alone with my thoughts? Is it because I’m so busy I have to snatch whatever reading time I have (the fact that I’m writing this entry puts this theory to rest!)? Or is it because I don’t appreciate my own company?
Whatever it is, I have to gradually wean myself off this unsavoury habit. Not only does it indicate my discomfort with aloneness, but it also prevents me from properly relishing the written word.
posted by starlight at 9:19 PM
2 Comments:
This sounds all too familiar.
Addiction, yes.
There's an interesting exercise in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way - you spend a week without reading anything at all! A reading fast.
Very very very hard to do. But possibly good for your own creativity.
oh my goodness. is that possible? and I have to get that book! it's been on my reading list for quite some time now.
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