A Difficult Decision
Today I decided to give this year's NaNoWriMo a miss. It was an agonising decison but one that had to be made. It's not that I don't have a story rumbling within me. Quite the contrary actually. My inner story is screaming to be freed but I can't do it yet. Not now. Not right after 3-months of an exhaustive struggle with another book (which I've been told to complete by next Wednesday).
When this current book goes to print, I will have written two published books already. Yet I don't consider them MY work because both were written in collaboration with someone else. Both were born out of someone else's ideas and passions. I was merely the medium in communicating those thoughts to the public. And neither books was on on topics in which I could lose myself. Which is why I decided I would no longer write in collaboration with anyone else again (more on this another time!). I wanted to write from the heart. My very own story. In July, that story strolled into my mind and refused to leave.
I have never felt so strongly about a story before and I already know so much about my main character, Farah. I know her fears and joys, I'm dismayed and elated at what she will be going through and I'm itching to take this trip with her. She has already come alive for me but I'm afraid that if I start telling her story now, I would be killing her.
I'm mentally tired and don't think it's right to begin a story I feel so strongly about in this frame of mind. I know NaNoWriMo is not about churning out Nobel Prize material but it just feels wrong to give this story anything less than my best. I initially wondered if my reluctance to begin this story lay in my fear that it wouldn't be as perfect on paper as it is in my mind. But now I know that I'm just not ready mentally. Perhaps I will start my personal NaNoWriMo in December or January. It won't be the same without the camaraderie of other NaNo-ers though.
I was really looking forward to participating this year, so yes, I'm frustrated. But the thought that Farah will be given the attention she deserves if I wait just a little while longer is a good enough antidote for the disappointment. And I will still be able to experience the thrills and spills vicariously through the rest of you!
When this current book goes to print, I will have written two published books already. Yet I don't consider them MY work because both were written in collaboration with someone else. Both were born out of someone else's ideas and passions. I was merely the medium in communicating those thoughts to the public. And neither books was on on topics in which I could lose myself. Which is why I decided I would no longer write in collaboration with anyone else again (more on this another time!). I wanted to write from the heart. My very own story. In July, that story strolled into my mind and refused to leave.
I have never felt so strongly about a story before and I already know so much about my main character, Farah. I know her fears and joys, I'm dismayed and elated at what she will be going through and I'm itching to take this trip with her. She has already come alive for me but I'm afraid that if I start telling her story now, I would be killing her.
I'm mentally tired and don't think it's right to begin a story I feel so strongly about in this frame of mind. I know NaNoWriMo is not about churning out Nobel Prize material but it just feels wrong to give this story anything less than my best. I initially wondered if my reluctance to begin this story lay in my fear that it wouldn't be as perfect on paper as it is in my mind. But now I know that I'm just not ready mentally. Perhaps I will start my personal NaNoWriMo in December or January. It won't be the same without the camaraderie of other NaNo-ers though.
I was really looking forward to participating this year, so yes, I'm frustrated. But the thought that Farah will be given the attention she deserves if I wait just a little while longer is a good enough antidote for the disappointment. And I will still be able to experience the thrills and spills vicariously through the rest of you!
posted by starlight at 1:54 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home