Have No Fear...But Listen To Your Gut
After weeks of inelegant grunts and mutterings of despair, I finally saw the world upside down today. In simple terms, I managed to do the headstand. And it got me feeling higher faster than ten consecutive shots of tequila. Not only because I had reached another milestone in my yoga life but also because I had chopped off another layer of fear.
I am afraid of heights. Anything that involves rising past the fourth rung on a ladder invokes instant palpitations, which renders me hopeless at hanging up wind chimes, cleaning any ceiling apparatus, stilt-walking, mountain climbing, bungee-jumping…you get it. Add that to the fear of being upside down and you’ve got a whopper on your hands.
While inversions fascinate me, they also scare the hell out of me and I always find some excuse or another to avoid them. But being an admiring spectator in class very quickly became a yawn. I wanted to feel it for myself.
My initial attempts made me feel like a sack of potatoes but ignoring my bruised ego and scalp, I continued kicking my way up, determined to conquer both the pose and my fears. It would be many days later before I realised that sometimes, triumph is borne not out of conquering but surrendering. So I piled the fattest cushions I could find around me and prepared to surrender to whatever happened.
I displayed my soles to Heaven for a full split-second before crash-landing onto the soft mound. I had done it! I had allowed myself to go as high as possible and to fall, and now that I knew what that felt like, there was no unknown to fear anymore. Two weeks later and I managed to go all the way up and stay up today.
Buoyant, I completed the rest of my practice and just before rolling up the mat, decided to do a repeat performance. But the cushions were all tidied away. Never mind, do without them. Of course you can!
As my head sunk gently into the mat, a little voice piped up, “Maybe you should just get the cushions just in case.’ And almost immediately, another voice filled with super-confidence, boomed, ‘No need la!’
So up I went. And down I came again, in the same breath. Crashing onto the floor like a sack of potatoes again. Pride had literally come before the fall. And that fall was a hard one!
So have no fear but trust your instincts. The difference between the two? Fear will rattle off in breathlessly excitement all the reasons for not doing it. Your instincts will tell you, with quiet certainty, why you should but perhaps at better time or in a better way.
I am afraid of heights. Anything that involves rising past the fourth rung on a ladder invokes instant palpitations, which renders me hopeless at hanging up wind chimes, cleaning any ceiling apparatus, stilt-walking, mountain climbing, bungee-jumping…you get it. Add that to the fear of being upside down and you’ve got a whopper on your hands.
While inversions fascinate me, they also scare the hell out of me and I always find some excuse or another to avoid them. But being an admiring spectator in class very quickly became a yawn. I wanted to feel it for myself.
My initial attempts made me feel like a sack of potatoes but ignoring my bruised ego and scalp, I continued kicking my way up, determined to conquer both the pose and my fears. It would be many days later before I realised that sometimes, triumph is borne not out of conquering but surrendering. So I piled the fattest cushions I could find around me and prepared to surrender to whatever happened.
I displayed my soles to Heaven for a full split-second before crash-landing onto the soft mound. I had done it! I had allowed myself to go as high as possible and to fall, and now that I knew what that felt like, there was no unknown to fear anymore. Two weeks later and I managed to go all the way up and stay up today.
Buoyant, I completed the rest of my practice and just before rolling up the mat, decided to do a repeat performance. But the cushions were all tidied away. Never mind, do without them. Of course you can!
As my head sunk gently into the mat, a little voice piped up, “Maybe you should just get the cushions just in case.’ And almost immediately, another voice filled with super-confidence, boomed, ‘No need la!’
So up I went. And down I came again, in the same breath. Crashing onto the floor like a sack of potatoes again. Pride had literally come before the fall. And that fall was a hard one!
So have no fear but trust your instincts. The difference between the two? Fear will rattle off in breathlessly excitement all the reasons for not doing it. Your instincts will tell you, with quiet certainty, why you should but perhaps at better time or in a better way.
posted by starlight at 3:49 PM
9 Comments:
Hey congrats Starlight. Good going. I look forward to the day I too attempt the headstand, although I have to admit it is intimidating at this point. I have a long way to go before that.
Cheers,
Uma
thanks uma! give it time and you too will be displaying your soles to Heaven!!!
For you its standing on your head and for me its driving - I am a complete disaster but some philosopher says that youshould do things you fear most so I am going to give it another shot!
oh i used to be TERRIFIED of driving, ichatteralot! broke out in cold sweat, heart in my mouth, nausea, the works! i had my car for more than a year and always sat in the passenger's seat. then i broke up with my boyfriend and was forced to get behind the wheel. i know exactly how you feel but know what...it really does get better with time and practice!
hi diran! thanks for dropping by. am still working on the handstand and it's not going very well. my fear is still very much alive! if you're a yoga practitioner and if you drop by this blog again, any tips would be greatly appreciated!! :)
am no yoga practitioner but like diran, was bloghopping. have enjoyed reading your entries.
am petrified of yoga. tried it once in the gym and was the worst student in the class. was mortified when i could do nothing the instructor asked me to do and never went back.
must overcome this fear, i suppose ...
hi aneeta. thanks for dropping by. sorry to hear your yoga experience wasn't exactly inspiring. :) if you do decide to give it another shot, don't have any goals or expectations. just work with your present capabilities and the results will eventually come. that's the essence of yoga. good luck!
Congratulations! When I managed my first headstand, I freaked out and yes, came crashing down like a sack of potatoes also. But the feeling of finally 'getting it', when you head somehow sinks in to your neck, is amazing. What's amazing is also how you will always get it from now on - like riding a bike. And from thi sday on, you'll be attempting headstands at the most inopportune times - like when you're blogging in the middle of the night or in the middle of cleaning up your room...oooh let's do a headstand! Have fun and keep up the good work!
hiya! thanks for dropping by. And yes, you're absolutely right about doing headstands at the most ridiculous moments...like while waiting for the spaghetti to cook.
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